When You Least Expect It Funny
2 / 40
When your friend complains about Weight Watchers
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and then I eat it.
3 / 40
When you can't stand to listen to someone for one. More. Second.
I'm sorry, I have to go. You're boring me to death and my survival instincts are kicking in.
4 / 40
When Aunt Muriel asks when you're going to have kids
I'm jealous of my parents. I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs, one who is smart, has devilishly good looks, and knows all sorts of funny sayings.
5 / 40
When someone makes a comment about your small stature
You know what they say—dynamite comes in small packages.
6 / 40
When Beyoncé concert tickets go on sale
My wallet is like an onion. Every time I open it, it makes me cry.
7 / 40
When someone calls you weird or strange
That just means I'm a limited edition—I'm something you don't see very often!
8 / 40
When your friends give you the single raised eyebrow
Don't worry, if Plan A doesn't work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. You also won't want to miss the funny sayings in these 14 hilarious cartoon puns that never get old.
10 / 40
When you're told to get your butt off the couch
I'm not lazy. I'm just very relaxed.
12 / 40
When you see motivational posters in your office
Don't you tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon. For more funny phrases, check out these 50 cheesy pick-up lines guaranteed to get a laugh.
13 / 40
When someone is oversharing their vast knowledge
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
14 / 40
When you're stuck in a tough situation
Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.
15 / 40
When nothing is going your way
Life is a bowl of soup, and I'm a fork.
18 / 40
When he just can't get over the breakup
If you can't live without me, then why aren't you dead yet?
19 / 40
When your nephew wants an iPhone and AirPods for Christmas
When I was your age, I was psyched to get new markers.
20 / 40
When your family is concerned about your weight
I get enough exercise from pushing my luck.
23 / 40
When you're trying to see the bright side
If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off of it!
24 / 40
When you finally decide to stop procrastinating
I made a huge to-do list today. I just need to figure out who's going to do it.
25 / 40
When you're under some stress
A diamond is just a lump of coal that did well under pressure. Can't get enough funny phrases and funny sayings? Keep the laughs going with these 47 of the funniest one-liners on the Internet.
27 / 40
When your clothes are a little rumpled
I do all my ironing in the dryer.
28 / 40
When your family jokes about you being over the hill
Birthdays are good for you. Studies show that people who have the most of them live the longest.
29 / 40
When you're not a morning person
I always say "Morning" instead of "Good morning"—if it were a good morning, I'd still be sleeping and not talking to people! If these funny sayings sound like you, these inspirational quotes to get you through the morning might help boost your morale.
30 / 40
When your spouse addresses your late-night snacking
If you're not supposed to eat at night, then why is there a light bulb in the fridge?
31 / 40
When those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
It's okay if you don't like me. Not everyone has good taste.
33 / 40
When someone won't stop complaining
Cancel my subscription—I don't need your issues.
34 / 40
When you're contemplating the advancements of humanity since the dawn of time
I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my own food. I have no idea where sandwiches live.
35 / 40
When you need a break
My brain has too many tabs open.
38 / 40
When someone calls you crazy
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
39 / 40
When those pithy phrases have their limits
Whatever you're doing, always give 100 percent. Unless you're donating blood.
Originally Published: February 24, 2020
Source: https://www.rd.com/list/funny-phrases-worth-memorizing/
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